Little Nuggets of Wisdom

This year I have a big birthday coming up.

What did you say?

Why, of course it is the big 3-0. Wink, wink. :)

Anyway, I was talking to a co-worker/friend who is having the same birthday as me, just a little bit earlier. Anyway, we were both saying we really thought we would feel wiser by now. I remember looking at my mom at this age (and even younger) thinking she was (and is) the wisest woman I know. So here I am, wondering where all this wisdom is. Deep down, I still feel like the same insecure little teenager I once was. Just in an aging body.

But maybe, just maybe, as I reflect, I have learned a thing or two along the way.

Here are a few Nuggets of wisdom. Feel free to share your own via the comments.

• The times I am needed the most by my children: When I am in the bathroom and when I am in the shower. Why?
• Sometimes "Because I said so" is just the perfect answer.
• I need to learn to appreciate my kids for who they are rather than feel disappointed in who they aren't.
• No matter how much you love them, there will always be a hole in the heart of the adopted child for their birthmother. Some feel it more than others but it is always there.
• Yes, you can love a child who is not biologically yours just like they are biologically yours.
• The Roomba was an excellent addition to our household.
• If we aren't using it, we need it to go away. We have a standing bag for Goodwill next to our door. I fill it as I find things.
• Chores are good for kids. I wish we had started even earlier, but better late than never. The kids can empty the dishwasher, refill it, sort their clothes, put away their clothes, take out the recycle, clean off the bathroom counter, and help set the table.
  
• Along with the benefits of chores comes the responsibility and time needed to teach.
  
• Homework time goes much smoother if there has been a little downtime after school (like time outside to play).
• The best conversations and information comes on the drives home after school...I learn a lot that way.
• My kids think their bedtimes are a drag...nobody has to go to bed as "early" as they do. How did I get this little bit of wisdom? They tell me daily.
• I need to get my exercise in before I chill out behind the computer at night. Once that happens, I am toast.
• Our love (as in marriage love) has grown over the years (at least for me it has, can't speak for him :) though we show it in totally different ways these days.
• You just have to live the life you are in right now. A romantic getaway for a week would be divine but (besides the financial constraints) the practicality of having someone watch four kids for a week is not very likely. So instead we have late night dinner dates (at home with take out) or cook a meal together. Not the same but it works for us at this point in life.
• No matter how old I get, I will never lose that mothering instinct and the desire to hold a newborn. Even if I had 20 kids, I still would want a newborn in my arms. Instead, I need to wait for grandchildren in the far off distance...
• Just be patient, this too shall pass. And something as equally as "un-fun" will likely take its place...
• Always have extra laundry detergent, milk, and bread on hand. They will not go to waste.
• Check backpacks as soon as they come home. Sign it and send it back or it may get buried on your counter.
  
• Every child is different. They all respond in different ways to parenting techniques. You just have to try and see what works.
• Tastes change...in food, in clothes, in furniture.
• You can teach your children all of the right things to do, but in the end, they make their own decisions. I can't necessarily take the blame for the choices THEY make any more than I can take the credit for the choices they make.
• Sometimes moms need more than six hours of sleep.
• I could think of a lot more of these but I need that more than six hours of sleep...
  

Better go. :)

More later,
Reba

And It Dropped...

I almost wrote a post the other night about how I was waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop.

The past few weeks had been pretty good. I had gotten to go hiking on the weekend. I have gotten a lot done (starting other blogs, organizing my classroom, keeping up with laundry, etc). We changed our home phone service. I am enjoying my i-phone. And for the most part, the kids had been pretty delightful.

It was almost too good to be true.

Almost.

But in the back of my mind, I was waiting.

Waiting for that other shoe to drop.

You know, that little bit of a cloud hanging over your head...you want to ignore it and the rain it will bring but you can't.

I really wanted to freeze time this past weekend. The way my heart was overflowing with contentment on Saturday after a beautiful hike around a lake on a warm day with my family...I wanted that to last.

And it did for a day or two. Or three.

Then today happened.

I won't go into details about today to protect the innocent, or rather the guilty.

I will just say it was not a stellar day for our household.

The other shoe dropped.

Sigh.

Today was a day I wanted to be an invisible mom.

More later,
Reba

The Invisible Mom

Not long ago, I asked a question on my Facebook status. "Do you ever feel invisible?" I was actually feeling a bit invisible because I had sent some texts and some e-mails to different friends that had gone unanswered. But really, don't we all feel invisible at times?

The next day one of my cousins posted on my Facebook page that I needed to read this. I tried to find an author but all I could find was "author unknown". The only thing I can guess is her name is "Charlotte" based on this essay. So to Charlotte, wherever you are, thank you for saying this for the invisible moms (and dads) of the world!

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I’m on the phone and ask to be taken to the store.

Inside I’m thinking, ‘Can’t you see I’m on the phone?’ Obviously not; no one can see if I’m on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all.

I’m invisible. The invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this? Some days I’m not a pair of hands; I’m not even a human being. I’m a clock to ask, ‘What time is it?’ I’m a satellite guide to answer, ‘What number is the Disney Channel?’ I’m a car to order, ‘Right around 5:30, please.’

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude – but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She’s going, she’s going, she’s gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England .. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, ‘I brought you this.’ It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe .

I wasn’t exactly sure why she’d given it to me until I read her inscription: ‘To Charlotte , with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.’

In the days ahead I would read – no, devour – the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work:

• No one can say who built the great cathedrals; we have no record of their names.
• These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never saw finished.
• They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.
• The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, ‘Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.’ And the workman replied, ‘Because God sees.’

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, ‘I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make everyday, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you’ve done, no sequin you’ve sewn on, no cupcake you’ve baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can’t see right now what it will become.’

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on.

The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don’t want my child to tell the friend he’s bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, ‘My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.’ That would mean I’d built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, ‘You’re gonna love it there.’

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we’re doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.



I can't figure out how to go back to the margin I had at the top. Oh well. This is Reba speaking again...

I just loved this when I read it.

Sometimes as moms, we do feel invisible. Or at least I do. I do all of these things like handle the kids' schoolwork (which can take a long time), plan birthday parties, buy Christmas gifts, plan Valentine's treasure hunts, etc. And often, it feels like it goes unnoticed. Just like I know that I have missed many of the things my own mother has done for me (though I recognize those more and more).

I won't lie. On occasion, I don't mind getting a "thank you". (Even Jesus appreciated that after healing the lepers) Or having my husband compliment me for something I have done.

But in the end, it is okay if my efforts go unnoticed. That is not my purpose.

My purpose in life is to build great cathedrals. Or at least give the four that I am building a good foundation.

It is okay if nobody else notices. God does.

And for me, that is what truly matters.

More later,
Reba

So Much to Say, So Little Time

We had a very busy day, from our daughter's basketball game this morning to another beautiful weather Saturday spent on the hiking trail to a yummy family dinner (spaghetti...Mark's choice). And of course I have so much I want to share (and even more, remember) but it will have to wait until tomorrow.

It is time for night night.

But I did want to share one more thing.

Or rather two.

I started a couple of other blogs!

No, I am not totally crazy. Neither blog will be too time consuming (I hope). And I will definitely not be posting on them regularly like I do on here or on my Bible Study blog.

No, these are fun (for me).

One is a hiking blog. It is called "A Walk in the Woods". I will still share some of our hiking experiences on here because this is the closest thing I have to a scrapbook. But I can describe more and post more photos on that blog. I often have people ask where we hike. There are many good books out there about hiking (Tim Ernst is a wonderful author of Arkansas hiking books). This will just be one person's perspectives on the trails we explore...especially with a family of six.

The other blog is going to be a recipe blog. Cooking with the Clouds. I just plan on sharing favorite family recipes. I will confess. I have no recipes on there yet. This week. Please note I am not attempting to be The Pioneer Woman. Those shoes are way too big for me to fill (not literally...I have no idea what shoe size she wears :). I was encouraged by my friend C. to do this, so here it is...or at least soon will be. :)

And that is about all I can do in one day.

I will share more about the precious gem of a hiking spot we found on tomorrow's post...

Reba

A Lamp and A Light

I mentioned yesterday that I started another blog about my attempt to read the Bible through in a year.

When I began creating the blog, one of the first things I had to do was come up with a name. Well, that part was easy. A Radical Experiment. But then I had to come up with the name that will be in the web address. That part was tougher. I tried a few related to "radical experiment" and "reading through" only to find they were taken.

Hmmm.

What to do, what to do.

Then it came to me.

A Lamp and a Light.

Why, you ask? (Okay, just pretend that you ask...)

Our youngest.

Right now his favorite song is "Thy Word is a Lamp Unto My Feet."

Not long ago at church, he pointed to his feet and told me there was a light on it. It took me a minute to make the connection.

When he is in his room playing, he finds his Veggietale CD and pushes the buttons on the CD player until he finds this song.

Then he sings it as loud as he can.

"Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path."

I hope those words stay with him. Always.

More later,
Reba

Go With My Gut

I rarely check our on-line banking account. I get an alert each day about what our balance is. If there is a big discrepancy, I check it out. Otherwise, I don't get on unless I am looking for a check to clear or trying to find a transaction.

Today I just felt the urge to check on a check we had written. I was curious if it had cleared or not.

So I signed into my online banking.

My first concern was that it asked me about getting alerts, then had a message that my alerts were disabled. Hmmm...how would that happen?

When i saw the current transactions, I had more concerns. I started seeing all of these small transactions for places I was pretty sure we hadn't gone. When I googled one such place, I found out that it was based in South Africa.

Of course, my dear hubby wasn't home. He was coaching basketball for Lauren. So I couldn't double check with him.

I just had to sit and wait.

That was hard. Especially when I saw one of the "suspicious" transactions process in front of my eyes.

As soon as I could, I spoke with Mark. I found out what transactions were his for the day, and which ones weren't. Like the Ritz-Carlton. And a movie theater in South Africa.

Armed with my information, I called the bank. I had to "hold" for a really long time but finally we had a hold put on the account. And we will receive reimbursements.

Still, as much of a pain as it was (and it was), I am thankful.

Thankful for those gut feelings that nudge me to do things like check a bank account.

Thankful that not much spending was done.

Thankful that as of now, it seems to be fixed.

Thanks, God!
Reba
PS I started another blog (because having one isn't enough :) about my experiment reading through the Bible...don't feel obligated to read it but just know it is there if you want to!

Playing Favorites

I am really tired which is funny since I didn't actually teach today...it is my intern's solo week. I was plenty busy though.

Anywho...

I needed a light topic for tonight, so I thought I would share some of my favorites in life. Feel free to share yours...

Favorite Drink: I am sure you can guess this. Mountain Dew. Not Diet. I want the real stuff. If I can't have that, my second favorite is a Coke from McDonald's. I don't know what they do to their Cokes but they are better than any other!

Favorite Nut: Pistachios. I eat a handful (or two) every morning. I about cried tonight when my dear husband pulled out his almonds and knocked my bag of pistachios on our dirty floor (a side effect of melting snow...mud!). I lost some good nuts!

Favorite Car: I do love my Odyssey, but my favorite car ever is still the Honda Accord. I loved that car. It loved me. We were happy together. (Unfortunately, three in the backseat was a tight squeeze, and four would never have worked...)

Favorite Comic Strip: Probably Baby Blues, though Zits follows closely. I love For Better, For Worse too though they are rerunning those these days. I still miss Calvin and Hobbs terribly. I got Calvin. I think I live with him (in the form of a J-man...).

Favorite Bible Verse: Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path. That about covers it. :)

Favorite Flower: White lilies. I can think of nothing more lovely.

Favorite Getaway: San Francisco by far. And the beach. I never turn down a trip to the beach.

Favorite Stocking Stuffer: This stamp that stamps nonsense letters. I use it to cover up our address and names on magazines and bills we recycle...it is so handy!

Favorite Color: Navy Blue.

Favorite App: Words with Friends. It doesn't take long to play but it makes me feel like I am truly thinking. And sometimes I win. :)

Favorite Gum Flavor: Cinnamon, though I really don't like chewing gum.

Favorite New Dessert: Chocolate Lava Cakes. My family begs for them.

Favorite Muffin: Pumpkin. Yum.

Favorite Exercise: A walk outside if it is nice. Inside, my elliptical or some time on Wii Fit Plus.

Favorite Soap: Warm Vanilla Sugar by Bath and BodyWorks

Favorite Pet: Dog. Other than the whole allergy thing. :)

Favorite Insect: Ladybug. I do like dragonflies though.

Favorite Metal: Silver. Used to be gold.


So, what kind of random favorite would you like to share? :)

Reba