Skipping Christmas

Okay, I don't really want to skip Christmas. It is just that I have been thinking about and pondering a solution to how to tone down Christmas. And as I think about such things, that book by John Grisham comes to mind.

It isn't that I dislike Christmas...quite the contrary! Actually, Christmas is my favorite holiday. Of course, it is the celebration of our Savior's birth. Without that, my eternity would be uncertain. I also have such fond memories from my childhood, sugar cookies baking in my grandmother's kitchen, visiting with cousins I only got to see once or twice a year, reading the Bible story of the first Christmas before opening presents, not being able to sleep Christmas Eve night in eager anticipation.

Even now, around the day after Thanksgiving, my fingers itch to get out our holiday decorations (I just cannot do it earlier than that). I like to see the Christmas tree coming together, decorated with ornaments from my own childhood as well as the ornaments my children receive or make each year. I tear up every time I hear "O Holy Night", my favorite holiday carol. I try to instill some of my own childhood traditions for my family such as the reading of the first Christmas and making and decorating Christmas cookies together, as well as creating my own (like the Christmas books we wrap each year).

This year though I am considering how we can tone Christmas down a bit. Not Christmas itself, but the gift giving.

It isn't so much the money, though that is a factor too. It is the stuff. We have too much stuff. We have six people in our house, two girls in one room overflowing with stuff. And though they like to play, they typically only play with certain things, while other things sit on the shelves collecting dust.

Some have suggested getting rid of "stuff", and we do that frequently. We really do. But there is still a lot of stuff.

And by the time you get to the little ones, honestly, there are very few "needs" or even "wants"....(the older ones however will always have a long list of wants...they are the pioneers after all :)

Let me say that I LOVE gifts. Receiving gifts is one of my love languages. I wouldn't consider myself materialistic, I just love the surprise and the idea of someone loving me enough to gift me with something. That also means I love GIVING gifts. I take delight in trying to find "just the right thing" and seeing the joy when gifts are opened. One of our children is falling right in my footsteps on that.

So my dilemma this year is how to tone down Christmas a bit but still keep the magic. I asked for suggestions on Facebook and received some wonderful ideas. The problem is we already do some of it (we do participate in various giving projects). The other problem is the "magic". The "magic of Santa". Santa has been visiting our house for 10 years. He has established a very high standard for gifts under the tree on Christmas morning. I am trying to decide how we can ask Santa to "tone that down" a bit while keeping the magic alive. It would be one thing for me to say, "Hey, this year we are going to do some things differently". However, that guy at the North Pole...well, how does HE say that but still keep a twinkle in the kids' eyes?

Suggestions? :)

Reba

13 years and Counting...

13 years ago, Mark and I stood in front of family, friends, and some of my students and vowed to love each other through better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. I am pretty sure neither of us could truly fathom what we were promising, nor would we ever dream what our lives would become. (And maybe if he had...he would have run the other way :)

I have been thinking about 13 years of marriage. I cannot say every single day has been a joy. This is life. Some days are harder than others. But through it all, I am blessed and grateful to have this man walking beside me...

Come, take a walk with me as I do a quick tour through 13 years of marriage...

1996- We were married in Little Rock, where we both lived. Above you will see a picture from our honeymoon to Gatlinburg. We were so excited to visit the Smokey Mountains during the peak of fall. We went hiking, explored some historical sites, and rushed out to buy the video "Toy Story" (which we had seen on one of our first dates at the theater). We often joke about the wind that came through one night as we snuggled in our honeymoon cabin...the wind that knocked almost every single leaf off of the trees! It was a happy time...
1997- I am not sure how Mark would classify this year. Our first year wasn't all bad, but it wasn't an easy one for sure! It was a year of growth (and a lot of tears...mainly on my part :). We were so excited about the wonderful tax refund we were sure to get because of our marriage...except that Mark's boss at the time hadn't been paying any taxes for him. So we had quite a shock on our hands when we found out how much we OWED instead. Financially, this was a rough year. We both brought debt into the marriage on top of the taxes owed...our fun consisted of anything free, like exploring Hot Springs on foot. Just to add a little excitement to our lives, Mark switched jobs that year and began working in Northwest Arkansas. I was still under contract in Little Rock, so during the week, Mark lived with my parents (and loved every minute of it :), while I stayed in LR. We saw each other on the weekends. Life was a bit tense at times. Finally that summer, we made the move to NWArk. together, living in a duplex on the other side of my sister and her husband (married just a few months before us). I also got a job with the school where I am still teaching.
1998- We made a trip to Disney (with my family)...always a favorite place to go. That spring, our first house got a foundation, and we found out we were expecting at the end of the year. Sometime that year, Mark took another job, then lost it soon after we moved into our first house. It was scary coming home from a baby shower and finding out that we were minus an income. Thankfully (and as usual), God provided. Mark found another job shortly afterward. And in December, we welcomed our first son to our family.
1999- A year of adjustments. We were first time parents struggling to figure out how to be the parents we needed to be...still working on that actually. I imagine a few more tears were shed that year as we battled the fatigue of caring for a newborn.
2000- Though our life as a family of three was delightful, we found out in the fall that we were going to be adding another little Cloud to the family. For some reason, being pregnant while being a Mommy to a toddler was a little more difficult than the first time around.
2001- Little Miss entered the world in June. Whew! I just thought running errands with one kiddo was difficult...until I had two. Suddenly going out into public seemed very daunting!
2002- The theme for us this year was job changes...Mark started a new job (same industry, different company), and for part of the year, I taught part time so I could have the best of both worlds...I got to stay at home a few days a week, but I also got to be in the classroom.
2003- I continued to work part time throughout the year. Our oldest started pre-school which was a new season for all of us.
2004- I returned to the classroom full time. And in the fall, our oldest started kindergarten, while Little Sister started preschool. We moved into our current house (my "dream house") that fall. Life felt very full and blessed.
2005- Well, we just thought life felt full. We had a family trip to Disney World in the spring. Little did we know that that summer, a yearning would develop in my heart to bring home a little girl from another country to join our family. Shortly afterward we accepted the referral of our daughter from Guatemala (with a visit to follow at the end of the year). Let the paperwork chase (and the endless prayers) begin!
2006- We made a family trip to Guatemala to celebrate Child 3's second birthday with her. After much prayer, tears, and fasting, we were able to bring home our little princess from Guatemala that summer. Again, our marriage faced new adjustments as we adjusted to life with a not so happy toddler with a lot of her own adjustments. Mark, ever the "steady" one was a rock during the transition (for both of us :).
2007- Again, we thought our family was complete. Until that spring. Then suddenly I felt that yearning start all over again. (Yes, less than one year after finishing the first adoption) Suddenly the paperwork chase was on yet again. We made our fourth and fifth trips to Guatemala, the last trip right before Christmas to bring our little gift home...our youngest.
2008- Suddenly, we were a family of six. This year we enjoyed a trip to Gulf Shores. We also learned the fine art of "tag teaming". It is the only way we are able to parent at this point in time. :)
2009- Mark changed jobs, I stayed in mine. Child 3 started school, and Child 1 is finishing his last year in elementary school. Where did the time go? We are still exploring the world together, though sometimes in a new way (with extra people :). (See picture below of our anniversary hike)

13 years of changes, of laughter, of tears, of sickness, of health, of financial ups and downs...God has been faithful. And so has Mark.

I love you, Mark Cloud. Thank you for the life and family you have given me.

Rebs

Job Performance Evaluation

Sometimes I wonder what my job performance evaluation would look like. I look around the house and see disorganization (which drives me crazy). I have given up on our household budget. (Thankfully we aren't big spenders, so I can estimate...keeping up with receipts was an impossible task with everything else going on...) This week I have done well cooking, others, we eat out more than I want to admit. Exercise is just not happening for me other than the days we get out to hike. And yes, that pile of socks without matches is for real though it is probably time for me to go through again and see if any of them resembles another sock! Some days I feel like Supermom, others, like Loser Mom.

Today I realized that I can continue to focus on what isn't done (like the budget, the piles, the photo boxes). Or I can stop and think of what I DID do today (as a mom...as a teacher is a whole different post)...

• I prepared lunch for Child 3 and myself for the field trip we thought we were going on before the rains came down...again!
• I held Child 4's hand during breakfast...why? Because he wanted me to. It is his love language. So I guess you could say I fulfilled his love language.
• I fixed the hair of two little girls.
• I got out of the house with three kids (Mark takes the youngest), all dressed and fed.
• I again (with gentle reminders) reinforced the pattern of prayer on the way to school, praying out loud for each family member.
• I got myself and the three kiddos to school...early!
• I hugged Child 3 in the hallway a couple of times just because she needed it.
• I found Child 1's glasses on my desk and remembered to bring them home for him.
• I finished up my work early so we could get Child 4 out of daycare early...it isn't fair for it to be a long day for him.
• I signed up to bring a snack for the Halloween party at Child 4's school.
• I made Child 4 a snack because that is his routine, even if he just ate one at school.
• I blended salsa and browned hamburger meat for our taco dinner (always a favorite around here).
• I checked backpacks, making sure the kids were caught up on school work and any other needed notes...I reinforced that education IS important.
• I folded a few loads of laundry, washing more in its place.
• I assisted Child 3 with her "chore" of emptying the dishwasher. In many ways it would be easier to do it myself, but I have to remember that it instills responsibility and a sense of accomplishment for her.
• I cleaned down the counter and washed my hands several times in hopes that we can stay healthy around here.
• I picked Child 1 up from swim team. Extra curricular activities are tough on the rest of us but they are important to him.
• I answered questions delicately and honestly for Child 3 about something she had heard at school that upset her (a current event), hopefully providing her some peace of mind.
• I prepared the house to look somewhat decent for an upcoming visit from Mark's parents.
• I nurtured my family with a yummy taco meal followed by Halloween sugar cookies.
• I maintained discipline (or tried to :), hoping that by changing some behaviors not, they won't be an issue later in life.
• I cleaned out one last box of summer/spring clothing...I am almost finished!
• I prayed for several friends and family throughout the day.
• I e-mailed (what I hope was encouragement) to some friends.
• I maintained my relationship with my sister who lives away from me through Facebook interaction.
• I helped save even a little bit of the earth by recycling rather than throwing away.
• I spent even just a few minutes talking or playing with the kids, connecting with them after being away all day.
• I researched possible summer vacation destinations, possible dinner for tonight, and other things.
• I spent some quality time with my hubby.
• I recorded some memories on Facebook and the blog in hopes that it will provide my kids with a written record of our family life for years to come.

All that to say, I am never going to be the ideal mom or wife. I won't always run the house in an organized manner. I won't always be on top of things. And some days, I am in survival mode. I think about all of the things our ancestors did (like churning butter, collecting eggs, sewing clothing), and I am so far away from being that "ideal woman". But at the end of the day, if I really think about it, I can look back and see that I have accomplished many things, that my heart is there for my family and friends, that I am "doing my part" for the world. I imagine you could do the same!

Reba

The Signs of the Times

Here are a few signs of the times around here...we obviously have kids in the house...

Hair scrunchies all over the place. ALL over the place. Everywhere I turn, I find a hair scrunchie. I have a nice system for storing them, and it works well if anyone actually puts them AWAY!Your sacred bathtub has a kids' piano book on it (and a magazine that undoubtedly one of your little ones dropped in there...

A pick up stick under the table (of course...)...why?
The crumbs and dropped food on the floor. I am really hoping for a Roomba at some point to clean my floor when I am too tired to!

The blinds are always askew...
The daycare notes which show up in some of the strangest places. Every day when he gets his note, Child 4 declares, "My paper! My paper!" And he acts like he is guarding the vault of a reserve. However, we step into the house, and suddenly the paper is dropped on the floor, soon to be forgotten...

The Last Chance Basket. On occasion, the clutter is too much for me. So I collect the stuff that is NOT mine and load up the basket. The kids have about 24 hours to clean it out.
Photo albums or Calvin and Hobbs books randomly left in my seat
The stuff I put outside their door so they can put things away. Yet three days later, there is the pile of stuff, still outside the door!

The handtowel in the bathroom that is NEVER ever put back on the ring...

The refrigerator, covered in kids' papers/artwork, invitations, cartoons (about parenthood), etc.

The Clothes! The Clothes! Still switching seasons out...
The fingerprints left on the cabinet drawers

The pillows never put away correctly...

The basket of socks with no mates. How does that happen?
The bottomless box of Cheerios.

I am sure there are a few more signs of the times around here, but I must get to bed. So, what are your signs?

Reba

Do Overs

Lately with our oldest son, I have been giving a lot of "Do Overs". When he snaps at his sister unnecessarily (which is happening more and more as we enter the preteen years), I simply said, "Do over..." He knows that he needs to say it again, whatever his request or demand, in another way. And he usually does a good job about it, though at times he will still argue with me about why he had the right to say it that way the first time. :) There are days he could and would argue with the wall.

Sometimes I wish life was like that. I wish I could just "do over" and erase whatever it was I just said and did. Don't you? (Or am I the only one who sometimes speaks off the cuff and with a little passion if I am feeling defensive?)

Recently someone was talking to one of my co-workers who is very pregnant. They were talking about the excitement of the baby coming. And my co-worker joked that she was excited, though sometimes my Facebook status updates scared her about what is to come. :) (They really aren't that bad, though I am not afraid to admit when it has been a rough day...often find I am not alone in that department)

Of course, I joked that IF it were that bad (and more), we obviously wouldn't have done it four times, the last two being "chosen" times. Obviously there are some high points of motherhood. A lot actually.

What is hard to explain to new moms-to-be though is all that comes with motherhood.

Like the joy of watching a little life unfold before your eyes.

The way your heart sings when your child eagerly tells you about stranger danger, how to spell the word "go", and that five and three makes eight.

The fatigue you feel at the end of the day...much of it physical from the demands of keeping up with kids, but also so much of it emotional when you have answered one question too many!

The heartbreak you feel when your child is rejected by a friend or comes to you with a 103 degree fever.

The irony you experience as you fold the warm pajamas of the child (because she needs them) who is screaming at the top of her lungs at you from the shower that she is NEVER EVER EVER taking a shower again (as she showers).

The loneliness you will feel when one child is gone for the day and how your family just feels imbalanced...

The difference it makes. Before you would spend money on a night or weekend getaway with your spouse for your anniversary. This year, you are saving that money for Christmas gifts that are just "right" for your child.

The patience you experience (sometimes thinly) as you explain for the 400th time that we do not hit other people or when you answer yet again what is for dinner (often followed by a grimace)

The communion you feel with other parents, along with the empathy you "get" as you walk into a store and see someone else's child on the floor in the middle of the tantrum (as well as the relief you get as you realize that today it is not yours :)

The love that you feel in your heart...and that it just expands with each child. Just when you think you can love no more, you do!

The prayers that are prayed daily, often for your children, for you with your children.

The way your heart melts when that sticky chubby hand reaches up and holds yours as you walk around your yard.

The inner groaning you do (with a smile on your face) as your child details another elaborate plan that will most likely result in a big mess.

The peace you feel as you snuggle on the couch reading a book together.

The intense guilt you feel daily over almost every decision, always wondering if you are doing the right thing.

The wish for do overs...for the days you snap at your precious child (even if they might REALLY be deserving), for the words that leave your mouth in a moment of frustration, for the opportunities missed to enjoy each moment with him/her.

These are just a few of the things that you cannot ever truly explain...it is just something you have to experience as you go. Sigh.

More later...
Reba

Clothes Out...

Sorry I missed yesterday. I was SOOO tired. I hardly touched the computer. I didn't even "farm" on Facebook. And today...I am buried in clothes. We have clothes everywhere. I keep thinking I am almost done but then I find another box of clothes. What I am really buried under is the old clothes that need to find their respective piles. I will get done, I will get done...right?

Well, yesterday I had this passing thought, "I am so glad that I seem to feel pretty healthy right now..." When you are around children all of the time (at school and home), the chances of getting sick are fairly high. I do try to wash my hands often but sometimes those slippery germs get by. Well, I cannot blame anyone for how I feel today (except myself for feeling so happy yesterday about how good I felt). Overnight (literally), my allergies flared up. I have been surprised they haven't bothered me yet this fall with all of the rain (which I am guessing stirs up mold?). When I first woke up my throat was sore. Thankfully that passed. Now I am just a sneezy, sniffly, drippy mess. My cheeks ache and my teeth hurt. I don't feel bad enough to stay at home, but I sure don't feel like I am at the top of my game.

Okay, enough whining...

A Child 3 story: Yesterday she informed me that she wants to be the boss of everyone. She meant it. The girl loves to boss. As soon as we get home, she pretends to be the teacher. (Actually more often the principal) She loves to get on to kids. I have to laugh because I know her teacher well...she is NOT imitating her teacher completely. She says her teacher's words but not in the same voice her teacher uses. I sometimes remind her that teachers really aren't allowed to yell at the students, imaginary or not...

Sidenote: Happy birthday to my Grandmother today!

Have I mentioned I am a bit weary of the rain? We have had very little sunshine around here this month. I heard this morning on the radio that 10 out of 13 days in October thus far have been wet! Have you ever been to an elementary school when they don't get outside for recess??? Please, God, please. Send some sunshine our way!

Please continue to pray for Hannah Grace. As if being diagnosed with leukemia wasn't enough, she has had to battle some issues related to a stroke and possible seizures.

Well, this is short and has little substance. Sounds like a perfect Seinfeld episode to me. :) But I must go. I am achy and weary. Yet for some reason, I am thinking not being able to breathe is going to interfere with my sleep tonight...

Reba

Classified Ads

Wanted: One wife/mom-like assistant to be an assistant to this wife/mom. Someone who cooks dinner after a full day at work and keeps the house organized in spite of the children. Someone who can break up arguments between siblings. Someone who can consistently discipline a toddler even when she would rather sink into a chair with a good book and ignore the behavior...again. Someone who can handle the birthday, Christmas, and other holiday shopping. Someone to take LOTS of pictures at every event so that the children have memories one day when their parents are gone. Someone who will go through children backpacks and piles of papers every day, sign needed papers, and write down important events. Someone to follow up with homework assignments and check fifth grade math or third grade spelling. A helper to organize clothes on a seasonal basis, trying to maintain some sense of normalcy and neatness while dealing with piles of clothes going to several different places. A shopper for groceries who can plan ahead for meals, someone strong who can turn a deaf ear to an occasional "squeal" at the store from a rowdy child or can ignore the stares after the kicking and screaming of a stubborn toddler who wants to buy cookies even though you have said "No cookies today". Someone to sort through the mail each day. Someone who will instruct the children in the responsibilities of life, such as assigning chores that they will probably complain about. Someone who will keep up with the major products (such as chopped onion or granola bars) that has run out even though a child left the empty box or container in the pantry. Someone who will periodically vacuum the whole kitchen because the crunching noises under the feet (though nobody ever claims to have dropped food there) are louder than their thoughts. Someone who transports children to school, checks in with teachers periodically, and then takes them home afterward. Someone who leaves work earlier than in years past because that is needed at this time for her children's' schedules. A hair stylist who can fix unruly hair in the morning. A nurse who will make the decision whether to take a child to the doctor, who will administer medicine on a regular basis, and can kiss each and every booboo even if they are on stinky toes. Someone who can whip up a snack while balancing a bag full of groceries in her arms. Someone who can climb up the bunk bed to change the sheets even though it is a feat of acrobatics. A decision maker who may get three different questions concerning three different topics at the same time and be expected to make a split decision that is wise and prudent. A weatherman and timekeeper who will know the weather for today and for days to come, who can pull the correct temperature off the top of her head, who always knows exactly what time it is. A counselor who will advise children and husbands through the heartaches of life, the ups and downs of relationships, and the scary fears that lurk behind the closet doors. A spiritual advisor who can pull the right Bible verse off the top of her head when a difficult decision pops up unexpectedly and who will pray for each child daily even though they rarely pray for her. A judge who makes decisions daily about what is appropriate for her children to see, to say, to read, to hear. A journalist who keeps up on current events so she can have intelligent conversations with her husband and children about topics they are interested in. A storyteller who can read the same book repeatedly night after night with the same enthusiasm as the first time it was read. A philosopher who can answer deep questions about death, birth, growing up, love at a moment's notice. A receptionist who organizes not one but two dossiers for children desired through adoption, who makes multiple trips to the notary public, and who makes last minute travel plans when the adoption is final. A helper who can hold together the household like glue when the husband goes away, making sure everyone gets to their appointed place on time each day. A disciplinarian who makes appropriate (or tries to) consequences for poor decisions by children who may or may not be repentant. The keeper of traditions who stays up at night wrapping Christmas books or decorating a birthday cake because it is what our family has "always" done. And many, many more responsibilities.

The Pay? An occasional hug or kiss and spontaneous outbursts of laughter when the planets are aligned just right. The Benefits? Lots of life experiences, occasional pats on the back by others, and a full time membership into Club Mom.

Please note...there will be little gratitude and occasional criticism of the meals, of the house, of the decisions you make.

There is NO overtime and very little vacation time.

This is a full time job with full time responsibilities.

Only apply if fully qualified and interested.

Signed,
A tired mom and wife