More Toddler Tips

Again, I am not speaking as an expert other than I have a toddler in my house who some days is in full toddler mode. I shared a few "tips" the other day and today thought of a few more. Since I am wiped out today, I am going to fall back on what I know (somewhat). :)

A few more tips:

• Silliness. When our toddler begins to be ridiculous (or irrational I should say), sometimes (though not all of the times), silliness can win him over. Like pretending he hurts my hand when he gives me "five" or Mark turning a diaper sack into a puppet that starts to tickle him. Silliness doesn't always work. Sometimes he isn't in the mood (nor are we). But it is usually worth a try, especially if it heads off a tantrum (either him or us :).


• Outdoors. As much as I can, I try to get toddler boy (really ALL of the kids) outdoors at least for a while. i don't think sunshine can hurt too much in small doses. And I know having the opportunity to burn off some energy running around the yard does a body (and a house) good. :) Today we had a very overcast afternoon. We could hear rumblings of thunder in the background. Yet we saw no lightning nor any rain, so we stayed out as long as we could. I am thankful for outside times.


• Attention. I am finding more and more that if I can give my undivided attention for just a few minutes, I am much more likely to get some understanding when I cannot give my attention. That means stopping everything, getting on the ground, and playing trains or just pushing for a while on the swing. I have noticed if I will push for a while, I can usually say, "I am almost done pushing...I need to rest." And in a few minutes I do stop with little harassment.


• That brings me to my next point...transitions. Transition times are our most difficult times. For a toddler, it is just another example that they are not in control of themselves. Someone else is always deciding their schedules. We try to give warnings whenever possible before switching from one activity to another. I am not saying it always heads off a protest, but it does seem to help to say, "Last one" on the snack or "We are almost done..."


• Letting him win. We joke that toddler boy is a bit OCD. And he is...typical for toddlers. The same child who somehow gets spaghetti from head to toe and all over his high chair gets very teary over a little spilled milk. Then he insists upon a "wipee" which is really code word for a paper towel. I know it is ridiculous. And there are some things that we just ignore. But once in a while, it is okay for him to win. Truly, if having a paper towel helps settle him, I don't mind. We win many battles, that one little battle will not hurt us (we hope :).


• Kisses fix everything. Right now, if he falls or gets hurts in any way, he immediately is sticking the body part out and asking for "tisses". For him, "tisses" fix everything. I wish that would last for life!

Sorry so short, but I must get up and about!

Reba

Survivor: Toddlerhood

The other day after I posted "Toddler Truths", I immediately thought of more I could add. But I won't for now. Today, I am all about solutions, not just venting about problems. How can I fix this?

I did think I would share a few things I have learned about surviving toddlerhood. Not that I am an expert in any way...even after four kids, each day is a new surprise. And some days can be heavenly. Others...well, a bit trying. :) Afterwards, feel free to share your own "survival" tips. I always welcome seasoned advice and tried true tips...

1. Humor. We have to laugh. Even when there are times I have to hide my smile, I have to laugh. Like when someone is unhappy at the restaurant and suddenly a hush puppy goes flying across the table...you just have to smile (secretly). Otherwise, the tears may come. :)
2. Choices. Toddlers love to have choices. I have figured out that so many of the "tantrums" (which I use loosely...that can be a cry of disapproval or a throwdown, kicking fit) are related to the feeling of helplessness. When I give choices, I am MUCH more likely to get compliance. Right now our todr is really big on wanting to walk...everywhere! So when he is being a bit of a turkey, my question is usually, "Walk or be carried?" More often than not, he goes for the "walk" and gets up to do it, forgetting whatever he was protesting in the first place. The key is to have few choices. Toddlers also get overwhelmed with too many choices.
3. Routine, routine, routine. We have a fairly structured bedtime routine (among many others). That routine may sound rigid (though it is always subject to change) but it gives him a little power. He "knows" what is coming next. There is some comfort in that.
4. Pick your battles carefully. If you choose every battle, you will live in a warzone. It is hard not to battle each and every thing. After all, we want long term character building. It is hard not to think, "He shouldn't get away with that..." However, character building is a block at a time. So some things we just have to deal with now, some later.
5. Have a "support group". I am so fortunate to have a mom, a sister, and co-workers and friends to turn to when I am not sure how to handle things. Or to encourage me when I feel like a failure (hence yesterday's post...though that happens with all the kids, not just the toddler). They are also the ones I go to with the joys and funny adventures.
6. Remember the good times. Really, the good is MUCH more than the bad. (Right now for us the bad is any change in routine, like having clothes changed or stopping for a bath) Our toddler is the sunshine of our house. He literally lights up our lives with his infectious giggle, his silliness, his quick wit. Why do I let a two minute tantrum cloud the whole day?
7. Make them feel powerful. I think I mentioned this in Toddler Truths. Toddlers feel like they are losing all of the time. They are never old enough, never big enough, never going to "win". So sometimes I have to give him chances to "win" whether it is by carrying toilet paper from the store or letting him have just "one more" horsie ride.

I want to say a little more but must get some sleep. However, this is a good start. Please feel free to add to the list!

Reba

Toddler Truths

The Terrible Twos. How many times have I heard that phrase? I have been thinking alot about toddlerhood since we are living with one. Some days we are a LOT more toddler than other days. :) Tonight I was talking to someone I know, also a mom. Her kids are older now (in school). She asked me how our toddler was doing. I told her he keeps us busy since he is so busy, that I had forgotten what toddlerhood was like. She immediately responded, "You forget. It is a lot like childbirth. If you really remembered, you wouldn't want to go through it again."

And there is a little truth to that, though it depends on the moment in time... Here are a few toddler truths I have been reminded of in the last six months:

• "It's all about me...it's not about you..." Mark and I joke around and sing this song when our kids (or ourselves) are being a bit self-centered. That song might be the toddler's mantra. They can only see where they are in the world. Even when interacting with others, it is all about how it affects them. That brings me to my next toddler truth...
• Possessive. What is mine is mine, what is yours is mine. Oh my, our toddler boy actually throws himself around our legs if another child looks at us and calls out, "My mommy!" "My daddy!" As if any other child is begging to join our family. :) I also have to stop a lot of "Mine" remarks when another child picks up a toy that hasn't been touched in three days; if he has touched it in this lifetime, it is his. Or so he thinks. We are growing in that area....
• Help me, help me not. Toddlerhood is full of "I do it...help me!" "I take my socks off...help me!" "I put my shoes on...help me!"
• Independence Day. Right now, our toddler wants to walk everywhere which can be frustrating (like at the store when I am saying, "Nope, not this time) but can also help me out. "Are you going to walk or will I carry you?" Since he is learning quickly I mean that, he usually chooses to rise and walk. :)
• Helpful hands. Toddlers LOVE to help. Anytime I bring out the laundry basket, he is right there, ready to throw the clothes in the washing machine. Yesterday I was going to do a quick fold of some kitchen towels, bibs, washcloths, etc. Well, I thought I was. Suddenly I had helpful little hands sitting on my lap "folding" with me. I am not complaining...I just wish I could hold onto that helpful spirit when they are older!
• Rinse, lather, repeat. Repetition. Repetition. Shall I repeat it? I heard the same stories over and over. For a long time, it was the monkey story. Oh, and it is MY job to repeat what I hear, even if I have said it numerous times that day already. Right now, it is the story of Mark on a roller coaster at SDC this past weekend. "Dadddy go up, up, up." "Yes, Daddy went up, up, up." "Daddy screamed, 'argggg'!" (complete with open mouth) Every day we have to talk about whether the sun is up, whether it is dark, will the cup fit in that hole, etc.
• Routine. Along with repetition, toddlers THRIVE on routine. We try really hard to stick to a routine when possible. There is some comfort for little ones to know what is coming next. They have little power in their lives...it gives them a little "power" to know what comes next. Dinner, play, bath, bed. However, toddlers can be a slave to routine. Trust me, if we don't present the stuffed animals in the right order, we are reminded.
• The right brain rules. I have been reading a toddler book (like about toddlers) that talks about how much the right brain rules a toddler. Right brain is that impulsive, instant, right here and now side. Left brain is the side of logic. Left brain is developing but not nearly as quickly as the right. When toddlers are tired or hungry (the very worst situations to be in), their left brain shuts down. Meltdown. You can try to talk "sense" to them but you are talking to a brick wall since the language center is not hearing a word you say. Of course, we are trying and trying to not let those situations arise but when they do, we just have to step back and let the crying begin. Then we are there to hug when it is done!
• Now, now, now. Everything must be done RIGHT now. In the life of a toddler, even one minute is like torture. (to all of us :) I have been playing pick up sticks with J-man. We don't really follow any rules other than, "My turn, your turn" in hopes that slowly we will understand that sometimes (most of the time) in life you have to wait. And wait. And wait. So when it is my turn, I will take a few minutes to choose my stick.
• Spiritual. Okay, so maybe not a deep spiritual. But praying and reading the Bible are parts of the day routine. And oftentimes, he reminds us we need to pray at dinner. I love to listen to our prayers repeated in toddlerese. I know they don't mean much right now, but I can only hope and pray that with time, that prayer will become a key communication in his life.
• Surprise, surprise, surprise. (Said with a Gomer accent) I just never know which child I am leaving the house with. Some days he is the shy kid, head buried on my shoulder anytime someone says hello. Other times he is the greeter, giving a howdy ho to everyone he meets. It is like that at home. Is he going to be the giggly boy falling on the floor in laughter or will he be the wailing, flailing child collapsed in a heap on the floor because life isn't quite right? It is a surprise from day to day...heck, from minute to minute!
• Connections. Toddlers love to connect. They want to draw lines from dot to dot. Not literally but figuratively. Child 4 can see a "Shake's" sign (no picture) and immediately connects it with the times we have had ice cream. When his book binding broke the other day, he immediately asked for batteries to fix it (isn't that what we usually use to fix things?). The brain growth that happens in toddlerhood just blows my mind!
• Hugs and Kisses. We get LOTS of hugs and kisses, all day long. Toddlers just love you, in spite of who you are.
• Loyal. I have to give it to toddlers, they are loyal. They choose certain parents to be in charge of certain tasks and that is (in their minds) who will do it! "Mommy do it!" "Daddy do it!" I have to give it to him, he is consistent!
• Bound. As in boundaries. Even though they may protest, toddlers need boundaries, even want them (without knowing that) It would be easy to give in to the protesting yell but it is much more comforting to know the rules stay the same. Doesn't make parenting any easier though. :) On the same token, if our house is quiet for more than a minute (which is very rare because they aren't quiet...not a one at my house!), I start searching for a cause. Toddlers don't have that left brain logic to think, "Dumping every book out isn't a smart idea..." So I have to be the conscience. That can be tiring. You only hope eventually they will start to take in those boundaries and claim them as their own!
• Spider Webs and Airflanes (toddlerese)...life looks different at two. I love to watch that mind work (when I can understand it). I think we need to hurry and get somewhere very quick. However, there is my toddler, balancing on the curb (which in his mind is a balance beam), looking with wide eyes at a spider web I never even noticed. I look up and see a cloudy day...he looks up and sees the adventures of an airplane. His eyes see life in a different way!

I could probably go on and on, but MY batteries are running down.

As I jotted down this list, I couldn't help but think, "Hmmm, sounds a lot like God's children..." It is often "all about us". When I don't get my way, I am on my belly kicking my feet (well, figuratively), screaming, "No, no". I like routine, boundaries, even if I don't always follow them. And most of all, much like most toddlers, I know that no matter how scary the world is, the safest place to be is in the arms of my Father. (Anytime we go out and J-man gets nervous about the situation, the first thing he does is hold out his arms and say, "hold you") It makes me thankful for a God who loves me, again, in spite of who I am, a God who sees past this stage of my life and believes in me that I will grow and learn eventually. Thankful for a God who walks with me through the trials and joys of toddlerhood.

Reba