Breaking News...

I am interrupting my own beach updates to bring some breaking news.

Mark is no longer unemployed.

Yet technically he isn't employed either.

Well, I guess he is.

Just not by someone else.

After looking at several options, praying, and exploring possibilities, we have a decision.

Mark is going to be his own boss.

Yes, self-employed.

He has a company name and everything. (Integrated Solutions Group)


There are still a couple details to work out (the whole paying taxes thing and what to do about health insurance) but otherwise, he is ready to go.

I would love to tell you exactly what he will be doing but I don't know that I can do it justice. :)

I know he will be a consultant for business development for other companies.  He can handle marketing needs.  He is also an excellent lighting designer.  And I think there is more.

Like I said, I can't do it justice.

The funny thing is he has wanted to do this ever since I have known him.

But when we were newlyweds, I couldn't handle that thought of not having a steady income.  Then we had one kid, then two kids.  No way, Jose.  Now we have four kids and a furry pup, and I said, "Go for it..."

And he is.

Looking forward to where God is leading him!


Reba

A Walk to Remember

Yes, we are still walking that road.


Well, kind of walking.  Aimlessly.  :)



We are at that point that I can tell people don't know whether to ask any more.


Does he have a job?


And honestly, that is okay.  I don't know how to answer that anyway.


Last week, the wife of our Bible Fellowship teacher prayed for us, for Mark's job direction.  She also asked for our extra time together to be blessed.


I giggled.


Yes, during the prayer.


I giggled.


We haven't had any extra time together.


Every day my sweetie kisses my cheek then heads out the door while I roll over to sleep a few more minutes.


Where does he go?


Different places.


He has had several lunches with contacts...some about possible jobs, others to just encourage.  He is exploring possibilities.  And he has been "freelancing" in a sense with some projects.


And while part of me would love to be able to answer the question with a firm answer, there isn't one yet.


In fact, that was part of my husband's plan.


Well, none of this was really part of his plan.

He was quite happy where he was doing what he was doing.

Had to laugh the other day when our youngest asked, "Where is Daddy?" I immediately answered with "work".  He then said, "I thought those people took his job away..."

See, even our kids don't totally get it either.

But anyway, after finding himself without a set job, my husband made a conscious decision that he would explore any option that presented itself.  And that he would take this month to just wait.  Wait and see.  Wait for God's direction.

That is what he has been doing.

So we continue this walk of unemployment.  We walk along the paths, the different turns and twists.  We come to forks in the road and debate about which way to go.  We stop and rest and wait for the signal to change, the signal to go ahead.  Most importantly, we do it together.

Along the way, there is a lot of prayer.  A lot of discussion.  And a lot of just being silent and waiting for direction from God.

A few times I have wanted to stop the walk.  To just pitch our "tent" in a spot, just for the security of knowing a decision was made.  But every time I think that, we see another fork ahead, another possibility.  And we continue on.

I kind of think I know where our path is headed.

But there may be a turn or a twist ahead or even a roadblock still to come.


The map is not clear.


So until I know for sure, I won't say.

We will just keep walking...

Reba

How You Doing?

Admit it.

You can't read the title without thinking of Joey from Friends.

Well, even if you did, I bet you won't now. :)

Seems like I am getting asked a lot, "How are you doing?"

"What are you feeling?"

"Are you doing okay?"

I again want to preface all of this to say that I realize our situation is not as dire as so many other situations in the world. As of this moment, we are all in good health.  We are together as a family.  We have a roof over our head (the one we still need to get repaired after the hailstorm) and plenty of food in our fridge.  And most of all, we have a God who loves us and has plans for us...plans we don't understand yet but that is okay. We just have to trust we will know when it is time.

Yet this is a life change, at least temporarily (we hope :). 

And I always appreciate the care and concern of friends.

So, how am I doing?

Honestly for me, I think I am doing okay.

I haven't had a meltdown...yet. 

And I am pretty sure I have gone through each stage of grief (even though this was the death of a job not a person).

I attribute a lot of that to prayer.

And a faithful God.

And a faithful husband.

But I have learned a few things along the way in this journey.

One is releasing the idea of a stigma with unemployment.  When I hear the word "unemployed", I think of a man walking around aimlessly in his bathrobe, stubble all over his chin, in a very depressed state.  So far, that has not been the case at our house. I am the one in my pjs, but that is typical for summer.  And honestly, I am not seeing my main man any more than I used to. He has been out and about doing some consulting work and talking with friends about potential opportunities. 

Unemployment happens.  It can happen at any time to anyone.  We would like to think our jobs are all secure but really, the only certain things in life are death and taxes. :)  I have had so many people come and share about their own experiences with unemployment. Sometimes you can work and do all you are supposed to and still lose your job. I knew that already but it has been confirmed over and over.

Look at every option.  I just joked about this on Facebook this morning.  We will hear about an opportunity, and I will think, "Okay, this is what we should do..." then the "path" will change, whether on our end or on the other end and suddenly we are facing new possibilities.  It is hard to not just want to jump on the first available opportunity (that whole "security" thing) but we want to be wise.  And that may involve patience.  And even feeling a little uneasy at times at the uncertainty of it all.

Decisions, decisions, decisions.  It is hard to know what to do when faced with decisions.  Some decisions are easy.  This is not the time to add on to our house.  Or run out to buy a new car.  Or even get a crown for my tooth since the tooth is not bothering me and is not of grave danger.  But some are more difficult...especially when it involves the kids.  Do we send them to that camp or not?  Do we cut back on our menu to save a few dollars or wait until we have to (if it comes to that)? 

Encouraging friends...they make a world of difference! I have learned what is encouraging in these situations and what is not.  Prayer is.  The Sunday after we found out Mark's job was eliminated, our Bible Fellowship/Sunday School class prayed for us, on the spot.  Hearing from others who have been there and overcome has also been helpful (which also happened that Sunday morning). 

Humor helps.  At least it does for me. I think I have stunned a few people into awkward silence with jokes. But is a coping mechanism. I can laugh or I can cry.  I just usually choose to laugh.  I am not making light of the situation. I am just dealing with it the way I deal with many things in life.

God is good. All of the time.  Not just in "good times".  I don't know how many times I have said, "I am thankful for..." in recent weeks. In some cases, God saved us from some struggles by telling us no (like with adding on to our house...neither one of us could get a peace about that though we both wanted it badly).  In others, He has provided in ways we didn't expect. 

I am sure I could think of some more but I probably need to get up out of this bed to be a productive mom/wife.

Thanks for listening!  This blogging thing is the cheapest counseling/therapy I can do! :)

Reba

R-E-S-P-E-C-T, Find Out What It Means to Me...

Admit it.  Aretha Franklin's voice is now going through your mind.


This word has been running through my mind (as well as the song) for a couple of weeks now.


When I first came home and found out that my husband's job had been eliminated, I was in a state of shock and numbness.


Then I moved to being a little upset.  Okay, a lot upset.


After all, he had done nothing wrong.  He devoted his time and energy to this job.  In fact, when he was asked to go work for this company, I was a little worried about commitment on their part since it was a new position.  So I admit, I felt a little betrayed by this turn of events. And a lot defensive.


I am not a fly off the handle person for the most part.  And I tend to stay on the side of reason most of the time, even when my emotions tell me otherwise.


But in this case, I wanted to do something.  To protect my own.  To defend.  To speak my mind.


For several days, I had a running e-mail going through my mind.  It wasn't hateful but it was defensive of my man.  I mean, I love him.  I felt like he was a little wronged in this situation.


I don't know how many times I wanted to sit down and type it out.


In fact, I almost felt like I would explode if I didn't. 


I felt like a volcano with the lava just bubbling, waiting to erupt.


The thoughts wouldn't stop.


I would lay down to sleep, and in my mind, write that e-mail.  I would brush my teeth, composing just the right words in my head.  I would stand in the shower with hot water splashing on my head as I searched for words and phrases that articulated my every though, my every feeling.


Then I mentioned to my mom how much I wanted to do it.  All in the name of love.


And she, being the spoil sport moms can be, told me not to.


What???


I mean, she understood what I was thinking. What I was feeling.  My deep love for my man.


Why not?


Her response?


Respect.


Respect your husband.


I assured her it would be done because I DID respect him.


She again said no.


Don't you hate that voice of reason?


She said that as much as I love my hubby, he is a big boy.  He didn't need his wife to run in to defend him.


Ugh.


That is what my heart wanted to do.


But my mom was right, darn it.



Ephesians 5:33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.


As much as I longed to, I needed to respect my husband.  He is a man. He can take care of himself. Thar doesn't mean I can't do my job at home as an encourager.  Or let him know that I believe in him.  But as much as I want to run in and put up my dukes to protect, I can't.  I have to know (and I have to let him know) that he is the man, a man capable and confident who can face his own battles and struggles.  Not with me in front of him, shooting off at the mouth.


But behind him.


Showing him respect.  In silence.


Reba

The Best-Laid Plans...

What is that saying?

The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry?

Okay, confession.

I didn't know the whole thing. 

I had to look it up.

All I could think were the first few words. Today's title.

That has come to mind a lot recently.

A month ago, we were sitting pretty comfortably.

We had two paychecks coming in.

We had plans.

Like possibly adding on to our house so our girls can have separate rooms.

And trips.

And remodeling the house somewhat.

Even joining the country club so my boys can play golf regularly.

Or buying a boat.

Not that I want to give the impression we are wealthy. Oh, no.  Not at all.

And we wouldn't have done all of those things.

We were just considering them.

And planning for at least one of them...


And here we are a month later, our plans awry.

Now I am standing at the store saying, "Is this something we really need?  Is this worth it?  Or can I live without it and save our money?"

Again, not to sound like we are suddenly thrust into poverty.  I don't want to start a pity party or act like we are begging for assistance.

We aren't.  Yet. :)

Just kidding.

Anyway, it just amazes me how quickly plans can change. 


What seemed so important a month ago doesn't seem nearly as important today.  Except maybe the adding on...the girls still think that is of utmost importance. :)


As we explore our options (feeling thankful that there are some), I realize yet again how much trust this involves.


Our life verse has always been Proverbs 3:5-6.


"Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths."


That verse has gotten us through difficult days, like the adoptions.  And rough parenting days.  And medical scares.  And life changes (like moving).


And in this season of life, we are relying on its truths yet again.


Trusting yet again.


Because some of the options we are exploring still involve some unknowns.


But we cannot lean on our own understanding.


Which is good. 


Since I don't understand.


What I can do is acknowledge that God is the one who understands.  He has a plan.  And He will direct our ways.


Not necessarily OUR best-laid plans.  Obviously.


But His...


Reba

Safe and Secure

When Mark and I went through pre-marital counseling (a requirement of the church before we married), one of the things we learned was that a man's self-esteem often came through his job, his work.  At the same time, a wife's security usually came through her husband's job, his work.

And I have to admit, that is true.

The times I have been most stressed in life (other than in parenthood dealing with the difficulties of kids at times) involved job changes for my husband, whether they were wanted or not, for the better or not.

I mean, I do have a job and do earn a paycheck.  (Of course, I do NOT truly do it for that paycheck...I honestly love what I do.  But the paycheck is a nice bonus. :)


But my security has always been in knowing that my husband was bringing home a paycheck, meeting our needs.

Obviously a couple weeks ago, my world was rocked.

No job?  No paycheck?

Well, he did get a small severance package. But that will only last so long.

In some ways, the timing was awful. I guess there is never a good time for that kind of thing.

But in other ways, maybe it was a blessing.

It was the end of school.  There were no more out of town trips, meaning I could get up to the school in the evenings to do some work. 

It also meant I didn't have much time to digest things.  To really think about it  To understand the reality of the situation.

I was going ninety to nothing.  ALL day, all week.

It wasn't until school was officially out that I had time to digest.

And suddenly I felt sad.  I would be cleaning up my classroom then suddenly feel overcome with the urge to cry (though the tears never truly came).  I felt a little empty inside.

Insecure.

My security, my stability was gone.

I have to give my hubby props.

He has not yet had a full day at home that I can think of.  Even when I tried to get him to. :)

He has been going to lunches.  Meeting with people.  Doing some "odd" jobs (not really odd, just not full time work).  Pursuing job possibilities.

But obviously I can wallow in the insecurity of it all.

There is still no steady paycheck.

Except I have found something out recently.

Something I knew all along but had pushed to the side.

My security is NOT in my husband.  Or in his job. 

I love him with all of my heart. 

But he is not my security.

God is.

And while He may choose not to give us the job of Mark's dreams and we may have to struggle financially, He is still in control.

My security is in him.

I am reminding myself of that as we look at options.

Good options (we hope).

But still a little scary.  And not necessarily secure.  (Of course, we thought the last one was, so that isn't a guarantee...)

Doesn't mean I won't feel a little weepy some days.  Or scared. Or nervous wondering about our future.


But when i do, I am going to return to the belief that is deep in my heart.

I am safe and secure.

Not in my husband.

Only in God.

Reba

Making the Cut

I am going to guess that this week's posts will mainly be about unemployment.  It is kind of the big elephant in our room/house right now, so a lot of my thoughts are geared toward it.  Unfortunately. :) 

When my DH (dear hubby) first told me about his "unhiring" (the term his bosses used...guess that softens the blow???), I was in a state of shock.  Actually, in some ways, I still am.  We all are.

One of the first things I said was, "I am still going to the beach!"

If you know me at all, you know I spend my whole year looking forward to the next beach vacation.

And this year's is already planned.

Hubby reassured me that yes, we were still going.

Maybe not wise financially.  But it may just be my last hurrah.  I am aware that DH may not get a job for a while.  Or it may be a lower paying job. My beach days may end this year.  I am going to enjoy each and every moment there.  We may not be eating out as much.  And dolphin tours (rather pricey for six kids) are probably out.  But we will be going.

However, in my true conservative nature, I immediately starting rattling off things in my mind.  What can we cut out? Where can we scale back? How can we save a little money? 

In the spending department, I am right in the middle.  I am not excessively frugal. I don't use coupons nearly enough (that takes a lot of time and planning).  I also don't splurge often.  I shop "middle of the road" stores.  I buy generic for some things, name brands for other things (there is ONLY one Mtn. Dew out there :).  We occasionally treat ourselves to eating out but I cook much of the time to save a few bucks.  I ask for favorites for birthdays/ Christmas (favorite Bath and Bodyworks soaps, pistachios, Ghirardelli chocolates) so I don't have to buy them as much. :) 


So while I am thankful for most of the time being a sensible spender, I also realize that doesn't give me as much leeway in cutting back.

So all of these thoughts are swirling around in my head.  We have some expenses we will just have to face.  Braces.  Readoption (to officially change Joshua's name).  We have some expenses we can scale back on.  Groceries (especially the more expensive meals).  Clothing.  Extracurricular activities.  And some expenses may just have to become a thing of the past.  I am still working on those things in my mind.

I don't know what the future holds.  I know God will provide our needs, though I am not naive. I know there are many followers of Christ out there who are in dire circumstances too.  My needs may not be the needs He sees as needing to be met.  I may have to give up some things I have held dear to me.

And that won't be fun.

But I also know this is a temporary home.  (Earth, not my own home)

And one day I will be standing on streets of gold without a care in the world, standing before my Jesus.

That is all that truly matters.

Even more than trips to the beach.

Reba