Friday, April 17, 2015

TBH Thursday

I typically do "Thankful Thursday".

And I know I could. If I dug REALLY deep down.

But the truth is, it has been a hard day.  A hard week. 

And I would honestly just rather not today.

I am still thankful for some things.

I am just having trouble feeling it right now.

So instead, today I am going to do a TBH Thursday.

In the day and age of "text talk" (especially among teens), I have learned a few things.  One being that TBH means "To be honest..."

So here are some things I am going to be honest about.

  • TBH:  This is one of the most challenging times in my life.  Financial surprises, medical concerns, and parenting challenges seem to knock me down. A lot.  And sometimes I don't feel like getting back up.
  • TBH:  I sometimes spend extra time in the shower just letting the hot water run over my head while I drown out the yucky stuff of life.
  • TBH:  I also sometimes escape by going to the grocery store. I don't even always go right in. Sometimes I just sit in my car and chill by myself for a bit.
  • TBH:  I go to bed every single night feeling like a failure as a parent.
  • TBH:  Parenting teenagers isn't all that bad. In fact, at times it is kind of fun.
  • TBH:  The highlight of my week every week is my date night (usually just dinner and maybe an errand) with my husband. It is a time we can talk uninterrupted and just enjoy one another.
  • TBH:  Sometimes I wish this parenting gig were easier.  I want so much to take a long trip with the Hubs but honestly, with four kids (including some challenges), not many people are lining up to keep them for us...
  • TBH:  I love my job. I am not the best teacher in the world but I love what I do. Almost all of the time.
  • TBH:  As I get older, I keep expecting to "grow" thicker skin. I haven't yet.  When I walk into a room and the already hushed conversation comes to an end upon my arrival, my heart hurts and I spend hours trying to figure out what I did wrong.
  • TBH:  My eyes are failing me.  Small print is impossible for me to read without reading glasses.  This hurts my feelings a bit for some reason.
  • TBH:  My sister is living right where she should be. It is the best place for her family.  But I miss her. Like crazy.  And I wish she lived here.
  • TBH:  I don't really have "best" friends. I have friends in different places who meet different needs. And my husband and family are my very closest friends.  But I don't really have a "BFF". And though I don't have the energy or time to really have one, there are times I wish I did so I could share some of my struggles freely.
  • TBH: I have come to love Sundays. They are my "days of rest". And I really make every priority to treat them that way. I won't do dishes or laundry on that day or go to the grocery store. I do cook but only if I want to. :)
  • TBH:  My lunch break is over and I must head back to school. I will share more later...