I feel like I walk a fine line with blogging some days. I want to share my heart, be honest, and hopefully connect with someone who will say, "I know. I know what you mean!" On the other side, I never want to embarrass my children or share too much. I don't want to use the blog as a political forum or as a way to retaliate against others when I am angry, tempting as that is on occasion. So many thoughts that cross my mind and are just itching to make it to the screen never do.
Which leads me to today's post which will be very brief. And will be much a tightrope experience, walking that line I mentioned above.
I forget sometimes. And then a comment is made and I remember.
Today we saw some pictures of babies in Guatemala. They showed up on my Facebook page via a friend. The babies had been abandoned at the hospital. Three precious faces. (not related that I am aware of) Sadly, there are no current adoptions with Guatemala, so the babies are headed to a hogar/orphanage to live for now and possibly years to come. I am sure the hogar is a wonderful place (from what I have seen), but life in an "institution" is not life in a family.
The kids happened to notice. The youngest is always curious about pictures. Child 2 wanted us to bring them home. And Child 3...
A few minutes later, I heard her voice. "Do you think they miss their mommy?"
I assured her I thought they did.
And then I remembered.
In my heart, child 3 is our family. She was brought to us.
But in her heart, she belongs to two families. One family she knows, the other is just a vision in her mind made up of memories and ideas I have shared (with little information to go on).
And that is always there. I always try to be open about it all when it does come to surface, but when it buries in her heart again for a while, it slips my mind...
I forget sometimes.
There is so much more to this story. Some I will share later, other parts I will keep hidden in my heart.
More later,
Reba
When normal, everyday life events take place, we tend to forget that our children are only our children because of loss. The loss of their birth family. The loss of their country and culture. The loss their birth families feel.
ReplyDeleteWhile they are different circumstances, Ben's death has given me a glimpse of how Lili and Naomi's birth mother must feel. I'm sure they still shed tears for their baby girls. I'm sure if they are okay. I'm sure they miss them and want things to be different.
I think we all need to be reminded that our children feel and will always feel that loss.
I forget too. Lily goes through cycles of adoption talk. It is as if you could see her struggle trying to understand it when we talk about it. For a while she wanted to visit, but wanted to make sure she would come back home with us. She has nightmares about being left, or someone coming to take her from us. We just reassure her that this is her home, how very much her birthmom loved her, and how very proud she would be of her.
ReplyDeleteWhat I found that she really likes is that Adoption Song about Guatemala. When she is worked up about something she will ask for me to sing it to her. :-)
On a lighter note, the other day Charlotte came up to me 'crying' a little. I asked her what was wrong and she told me she 'missed Guatemala soooo much'! LOL
We took an online course about the grief/loss that adopted children go through, and how to prepare for it and/or respond when it starts - hearing what you wrote makes me realize it is very much real.
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