No Words

I was all prepared to write a Thankful Thursday (on Friday, of course).

But in light of today's tragedy in Connecticut, I just can't.

Not right now.

When I came home at lunch today, I saw a couple of posts on Facebook that had me wondering what had happened.

When I read the news, my heart just broke.

Into a million pieces.

When I say good-bye to my kids in the morning (even the ones who attend class in my same building), I do not ever think, "I am not going to see you again..."

No, I casually wave good0bye.  Give a half-hearted "Have a good day".  Then my last words are almost always, "Make good choices!"

Not "I love you."

I do say those words.

Just not usually before the school day.

I hurt tonight for parents who are sitting at home without their children.

Who have wrapped presents under the tree that will not be opened this year.

Who are thinking about the last words they said to their sweet boy or girl that morning.

Were they happy words? Or were they words like we all have used..."Hurry up!"  "Let's get moving!"  "Don't you talk to me that way!"

I pray tonight for the broken hearts.

For a nation that doesn't know where to turn, who to blame.

I want to wrap my arms around the children who remain, the witnesses of such horror and tell them that things will be okay.

But even if I were physically there, I couldn't do it.

Because there are no guarantees that it will be okay.

Not here.

Not in this lifetime.

Not on this earth.

We live in a fallen world.

A world of sin, a world of pain, a world of hurt.

People will always make poor choices.  Some will be angry. Some will just be sick.

And my heart hurts for them too.  For them and for their families.

Tonight thousands of Americans are sitting at home wondering why.  Asking the questions we all want to ask..."How could this happen?"  "What is our world coming to?"  "Where is God in all of this?"

And there are no immediate answers.

I didn't have any for my children who asked me some of those questions after hearing the news.

I don't know.

I don't know how it could happen.  Or why.  Or what is going on in our country, in our world.

The only one I can answer is that God is here.

We don't understand why He let this happen. 

Yet I don't believe He is the reason it did happen.

That is not the God I know.

The God I know is welcoming several precious children into His kingdom tonight.

He is comforting the hearts and souls of the parents and the siblings and the friends left behind.

He is hearing the prayers of the people of this land.

And He is mourning the pain we endure in times like these.

There really are no words during this time.

Right now anything I think or want to say seems trivial, contrite.

I just know on Monday I will hug my kids a little bit harder, a little bit longer, and as I watch them skip off to their classrooms, I will call out, "Bye! I love you!  Have a good day!"

With a broken heart...

Reba