Lessons Learned

Let me start off by saying I have several single mom kids, some by choice, some by not. And I have always had admiration for them in their roles...mommyhood is not an easy job even with "help". But this week I have learned even more and gotten a glimpse into that life...

On Saturday, I traveled for nine hours in the minivan with three kids (10 and under) through four states. I also had my first spending the night in a hotel experience as Single Mom (for this trip I mean...I didn't leave Mark or anything :). Throughout that time, I learned a few lessons. Here they are in no particular order...

1. Always, and I mean ALWAYS, check to make sure you have all of the components needed for watching a movie on a trip, especially when it is a nine hour trip (that you thought would just take 7). Otherwise, you might pull over at a gas station in Missouri after holding the kids off for an hour and a half only to discover that when the PS2 was hooked up to the t.v. for watching movies (since the darn DVD player doesn't actually work and is way too costly to replace), the controller stayed at home which is the ONLY way you can actually "play" a movie. Oh, and Target, as much as I love that store, does NOT carry PS2 controllers. Only PS3 which are NOT compatible. (I have since found one at Gamestop and hope it will work when we return home)
2. I am a nervous driver. I have always been. I passed my driving test but the officer who gave it to me told my dad I was "too cautious". Not that I am a perfect driver. Driving with kids has not helped me in anyway. Constant distractions. But I try to be cautious. And driving through places like Kansas City, Lincoln, and Omaha had my knuckles turning white and my hair turning gray. Which goes along with another lesson...
3. I miss my pilot. I am the co-pilot. I keep the calm in the car, pick up dropped items, google directions, etc. Mark drives. And he is not a nervous driver. When I am driving and have no co-pilot, things are just awry. Plus when J-man drops something and screeches his displeasure which he enjoys doing just for fun, I get to endure the screeches until the next stop. I also miss having a Daddy to take a little boy to the restroom.
   
4. Public bathrooms, whether at restaurants, the zoo, or the hotel, were NOT built for little people. In fact, they make them higher and higher I think. Which means that the only way for little people to wash their hands is to stop what I am doing to hold them up. And just because they are "little people" does not mean they are light!
5. You find help where you can. Like when the hotel pool (outside) is beyond freezing and the weather is not extremely hot but your little boy is not old enough to be in the hot tub which is more your temp, you can sweetly ask an uncle or a cousin's husband to just let the little boy jump into them a time or two...because there is NO way my big toe was getting wet in that ice water.
6. It is really hard to carry food/drinks for four with only two hands. Thankfully the girls helped out some but it was still a task.
7. If one person has to go (whether to the restroom or down to the car at the hotel to get that one item your child was positive he/she brought in, then we all have to go. I am pretty sure I got my exercise in this past weekend.
8. Along the same lines, you have to be strategic. My main goal in a hotel anytime but especially on my own with kids is to NOT disturb other guests or have security called on us. I totally get this concept. My kids have not. So when I need to take a shower or use the restroom, I have to be strategic. Even just two minutes of my absence can result in total chaos when the kids get into a wrestling match or decide to jump on the beds with glee. So, for bathroom breaks or for changing clothes, I had to find seats for each child to sit on, as far away as possible from one another. And the shower didn't happen until late after they were all asleep. Even then I tried to be as quick as possible.
9. You feel like odd man out being single in a world of marrieds. Let me preface this by saying that it was no way intentional; everyone included me and was very helpful and encouraging. But when you are constantly trying to keep up with a busy boy or helping a sick daughter or supervising your little swimmers on your own, then you can't help but miss out on some conversations. There is nobody to turn to and say, "Hey, can you play with him/her here while I go chat for a bit..."
10. I am capable of doing things on my own. Unloading a car, filling my gas tank up, finding new places on a map, handling discipline on my own. I can do it. I am stronger than I look. And if that is the life God gives me at some point, I would do it with His strength. But I will also say that I prefer not to. Mark and I are a team, and when it is just one of us, something key is missing (both ways). He is the one who can take over when I have answered the millionth question for the day or who can crack a joke when I am emotionally drained. We are surviving but missing Daddy (and the big kid) like crazy!

More soon,
Reba

Thankfulness Abounds

It has been a busy, crazy week...not necessarily what I wish for during the summer. In fact, it is quite possible I groaned and complained a little bit earlier this week. :)

When that happens, we all know what I need to do to get back on track.

I need to count my blessings.

Come on, join along...

• I am thankful for an orthodontist who has a plan for our kids and their teeth. He isn't rushing to put anything on them. My pocketbook appreciates that too.
• I am thankful for our pediatrician's office which can get us in pretty quick. I am thankful for pediatricians who listen to me and don't laugh at me for bringing my kids in. And while I never want a sick child, I am kind of thankful that for once I didn't hear, "It is just a virus." Not that I want my child sick with an ear infection (that is apparently not responding to medicine at this point) but I always feel like I was a bad judge of illness when I hear that. I am thankful for the new antibiotic which will hopefully knock the ear infection(s) out.
• I am thankful for our dentist office. Okay, okay, I grumbled a bit about going, just because it was during naptime and I was SOOO tired. That and it was the third day of appointments. But I am fortunate to have a hygienist who is fun to talk to and a dentist who doesn't fuss at me nor put pressure to have things done unless they are absolutely necessary.
  
• I am thankful Maria has all of her teeth even though they are in NO hurry to come in at this point (no loose teeth, no 6 year molars). Our older two children are missing some key teeth (as in there are no grown up teeth there). Jury is still out on the youngest.
• I am thankful for the ads on Facebook which seem to be somewhat personalized based on status updates and "likes" I have made. Because of one of those ads, I have a date with my husband to go see a concert of one of our favorite Christian groups later in the summer. I hadn't heard anything about it until then.
• I am thankful for comments. I have always said I don't do this for comments but I won't lie. It is always encouraging to read them. Especially when they don't say I am crazy for not wanting to play dress up with my kids every day (see last post).
• I am thankful for the June birthdays we have had and about as thankful they are over. :)
• I am thankful we had a good week at VBS in the park, including beautiful weather. But I am also thankful it is over. It wore me out.
• I am thankful for all I got done yesterday on our ONE day of not leaving the house.
• I am thankful for a weekend to visit with family (after I drive on my own with three of the kiddos), but I am also thankful I waited one more day to go. I needed an extra day plus we had a return trip to the doctor.
• I am thankful for air conditioning.

So...

What are you thankful for?

Reba

All Play and No Work...

It has been a busy, crazy week...not necessarily what I wish for during the summer. In fact, it is quite possible I groaned and complained a little bit earlier this week. :)

When that happens, we all know what I need to do to get back on track.

I need to count my blessings.

Come on, join along...

• I am thankful for an orthodontist who has a plan for our kids and their teeth. He isn't rushing to put anything on them. My pocketbook appreciates that too.
• I am thankful for our pediatrician's office which can get us in pretty quick. I am thankful for pediatricians who listen to me and don't laugh at me for bringing my kids in. And while I never want a sick child, I am kind of thankful that for once I didn't hear, "It is just a virus." Not that I want my child sick with an ear infection (that is apparently not responding to medicine at this point) but I always feel like I was a bad judge of illness when I hear that. I am thankful for the new antibiotic which will hopefully knock the ear infection(s) out.
• I am thankful for our dentist office. Okay, okay, I grumbled a bit about going, just because it was during naptime and I was SOOO tired. That and it was the third day of appointments. But I am fortunate to have a hygienist who is fun to talk to and a dentist who doesn't fuss at me nor put pressure to have things done unless they are absolutely necessary.
  
• I am thankful Maria has all of her teeth even though they are in NO hurry to come in at this point (no loose teeth, no 6 year molars). Our older two children are missing some key teeth (as in there are no grown up teeth there). Jury is still out on the youngest.
• I am thankful for the ads on Facebook which seem to be somewhat personalized based on status updates and "likes" I have made. Because of one of those ads, I have a date with my husband to go see a concert of one of our favorite Christian groups later in the summer. I hadn't heard anything about it until then.
• I am thankful for comments. I have always said I don't do this for comments but I won't lie. It is always encouraging to read them. Especially when they don't say I am crazy for not wanting to play dress up with my kids every day (see last post).
• I am thankful for the June birthdays we have had and about as thankful they are over. :)
• I am thankful we had a good week at VBS in the park, including beautiful weather. But I am also thankful it is over. It wore me out.
• I am thankful for all I got done yesterday on our ONE day of not leaving the house.
• I am thankful for a weekend to visit with family (after I drive on my own with three of the kiddos), but I am also thankful I waited one more day to go. I needed an extra day plus we had a return trip to the doctor.
• I am thankful for air conditioning.

So...

What are you thankful for?

Reba

Lofty Goals

So, it is summertime. The "lazy days of summer". Ha! So far we have had basketball camp (thankfully only for 2 days) and swimming lessons all week. Next week we have VBS and two afternoons of appointments. Horse camp, music camp, and speed camp are still to come. And I even limit what my kids do in the summer. With four of them, there are a lot of interests. (Just in case it sounds like I am trying to get rid of anybody for the summer, none of these camps are overnight, most are just a few hours a day, and the kids really want to do them :)

But even then, our pace is typically slower in summer and I don't have the distraction of school. I have the distraction of home instead. :)

I always set "lofty goals" for my summer. And then I rarely meet them. But I do it every year anyway. This year is no exception.

So some of my goals for this summer are...

• losing weight. I don't think I am off to a good start on this one. That whole almost 40 thing is killing me in this area.
• keep up with the blogs. Probably not daily on all of them but try to be fairly regular.
• exercise more than I don't. I am not setting myself up to fail with an "every day" thing but I do hope to get some good exercise in.
• do at least one organizing act most days, whether it is a drawer or a whole closet. I am off to a good start on this one.
• declutter (especially in the bills/paperwork department).
• organize pictures, both "hard copies" and those on my computer
• be an encourager (mostly through Facebook and blog comments)
• do a jigsaw puzzle (just for something fun to do)
• read a couple of books just for fun
• some professional reading to prepare for next year (got a start on that)
• make memories with the kids which doesn't have to be anything big...could be just like last night when we watched the classic Pete's Dragon and stayed up way past our bedtime
• cook more
• work on manners, kind words, and respect for each other with the kids
• photo books for each of the kids of the past year

I know there are more but I wouldn't want to weigh down TOO much of the summer. :)

So, what are your lofty goals this summer?

Reba

39 and Counting

How do I love thee (oh, birthday hubby of mine...)? Let me count the ways.

39. You smell good. Really, you do (unless you had garlic at lunch :). After hugging me before leaving for your trip yesterday, I could smell you/your cologne the rest of the day. It made my heart happy.
38. You are my favorite opponent for WordFrames on Saturdays.
37. You will drop what you are doing (most of the time :) to go hiking with me and four wild children.
36. You make my heart go pitter patter when I am at school and I look up and see you unexpectedly.
35. You do not make us hang that deer head that looks like it is staring at us up in our house, keeping it tucked away in the attic instead.
34. You are a hard worker. You give your all to your company.
33. You are our spiritual leader.
32. You are a leader in other areas of your life too which is how you end up in charge of way too many things. :)
31. You are caring, even if that means making extra trips on Sunday mornings to help those in need.
30. You watch cooking shows with me
29. You make me laugh...almost all of the time.
28. You call me "Rebs".
27. You do little things for your mom just because she is your mom (or big things like taking the whole crew to the family reunion...).
26. You are courteous; you thank me for making dinner.
25. You can clean the kitchen sink better than I can.
24. Your beautiful tan that makes me green with envy
23. I love running my fingers through your thick brown hair with sprinkles of gray mixed in :)
22. You take me to the beach every year.
21. Your sense of adventure (swimming with sharks, skiing, etc...)
20. You are an amazing father.
19. You are my favorite person to explore a new city with (San Francisco for example).
18. You are generous.
17. You didn't run away when I brought up (not once but twice) the idea of adopting when we already had two children here...
16. You are the calm in the storm of life.
15. We agree on the major things in life (parenting) and agree to disagree on the smaller things in life (politics :).
14. You are a go-getter.
13. I love the way you hold me in your arms on a bad day (and on good ones too :).
12. You take all of your responsibilities seriously (deacons, PIE, work, father, husband).
11. You are a good driver which comes in handy since you drive us everywhere...
10. You are protective of all of us.
9. You come eat lunch with me during the school year in a lounge full of women.
8. You never ask me how much money I spent when I go shopping.
7. You just randomly break out into song.
6. You can go into cleaning mode at the drop of a hat...too bad we rarely are in that mode together. :)
5. You are one hot griller. You make a mean steak and bacon wrapped shrimp.
4. You have charmed my side of the family to the point that I think they would keep you, lose me if it came down to that.
3. You are a man after God's own heart.
2. You are my best friend.
1. Out of all of the women in the world, you chose (and are stuck with) me. I am so blessed.

Happy birthday, Mark Cloud. I love you and am so thankful for another year with you!
Rebs

And the Chapter Closes

The desks are bare, supplies are gone.

No backpacks or lunchboxes to be found.

The board is wipe clean.

The calendar is blank.

No papers waiting in the cubbies.

No children giggling in the halls.

The flag is stored away.

The computers are shut down.

The walls bare.

No butterflies hanging from the ceiling.

The books gathering dust.

The teacher glances back as she shuts the door, remembering the fun times they had learning new things.

She turns away with tears in her eyes, love in her heart.

And another chapter closes.

Good-bye to the 2010-2011 school year.

You will be missed. But never forgotten.

Reba

That Crazed Look

If you meet a teacher this time of year and she has that crazed look in her eyes, or even worse, a complete stone face, just remember this is normal for this time of year.

Not trying to gather any sympathy here but I just wanted to give a little rundown of what the last few weeks of school are like...

• end of year assessments (which for kindergarten is NOT paper/pencil but rather one on one interviews and performance assessments)
• student review sheets (gives end of the year assessment information for next year's teachers)
• work on class lists for first grade
• textbook inventory
• end of year conferences and meetings
• finishing up assessing/checking ANY paperwork and getting it sent home
• taking things off the walls
• packing the room up
• cleaning off all desks and then moving them
• letters to seniors (and this year...a reunion)
• letters for fifth graders
• report cards
• report card comments
• copies of assessments for first grade teachers
• memory books (printing and binding)
• sending home extra school supplies
• end of the year "review" with principal
• finishing up professional development hours
• editing and categorizing about 550 pictures of my class to hopefully save on CD-Roms for my students
• end of year assemblies
• permanent records
• retirement parties
• lock-in (that would be tonight)
• notes/gifts for my own children's teachers
• Kindergarten Celebration/Graduation (that would be today)
• extra duties (with interns gone)
• Grade sheets

This year I can throw in some other things like cleaning off the wall for the new technological equipment, technology training, and a surprise 12 hours of professional development before mid-June.

Like I said, not looking for sympathy.

Just some understanding when you see that crazed look in our eyes. :)

Reba

Achy, Breaky Heart

Grief is a funny thing.

Not funny as in ha ha.

More of a curious thing.

I mentioned in April that one of my co-workers had passed away. I hope to write a proper post remembering her one day. But it won't be this week. I am beyond tired and trying to finish up school (one week to go!).

I have been thinking alot about grief though.

When I first found out that Mrs. P was gone, I just matter of factly nodded. I think I had tried to prepare myself for that moment so much, I just reacted in a very mechanical way.

Over the next few days though, the grief would come in different ways, usually unexpected.

I want to clarify that I was not Mrs. P's best friend or closest colleague.

But she was a co-worker, and at my school, we are family. She was also much too young (according to my humanly standards); she had so much life and love left to share!

And that is one reason I have grieved so much.

The world has lost a music teacher, a friend, a daughter, a mother, and a perspective on life never found before.

Anyway, back to the grief.

I cried when I saw my daughter (the oldest). Her heart was broken and that broke my heart. In fact, my own grieving has been difficult and probably a bit delayed since I have been helping guide my daughter through her own grief.

Then I went to visitation the next day and didn't cry at all.

Oh, I felt sad...sad when I hugged her mom. Or saw her children who lost a dedicated mom. Or saw the pictures of her with her family on the slideshow. One of the songs playing, "Blessings" (which I posted not long ago), will forever in my mind be tied to Mrs. P.

The next day, child 2 and I attended the funeral. I was very matter of fact and calm until we pulled into the parking lot and I saw that darn pink car of hers. Then the tears started.

That pretty much sums up the last few weeks.

I am fine. Then something little happens. And the tears start. Or try to start. I am not good about just crying. I work really hard to NOT cry...you know, that burning sensation in the throat, the eyes stinging from the tears you refuse to release. Healthy, isn't it?

Last week, I thought the grief might be subsiding.

Then this week, it was back. I sat at the talent show the other night and didn't realize how closely I associated Mrs. P with the talent show until our "comedy act" came out to entertain between acts. Last year, she had a partner...Mrs. P.

And the tears start once again.

Reba